Non Sequitur: Sixteen Things

Apparently, back in the month of January, I was cursed tagged by a certain

Disclaimer: Each item has been adapted from its original format for your viewing pleasure. Any resemblance to the truth, and nothing but the truth, is purely coincidental. Viewer discretion is advised.

1) I've been attacked by a fish. A cabezon to be exact. It held me at gun point and demanded my wallet and a kumquat. I didn't have either on me the time. So, it bit my hand and swam off. What it wanted with the kumquat I'll never know.

2) During my childhood, I would make it a point to construct a 5000 sq. ft. snow palace after the first significant snowfall. My family would move into the palace each winter, hire a handful of servants, send for our army of yetis, and reign unholy ice and snow encrusted terror upon the townsfolk. Good times. Then, when the spring thaw arrived, we would move back into our original humble home, assuming the role of the average middle class family once again.

3) My mom and I used to drive in our homemade hovercraft from eastern Washington to southern Michigan every summer. Thank goodness for the bug shielding upgrade we added to the craft at the last minute.

4) I do not like lettuce, but I do like atomic space spinach from the Omicron Persei system.

5) I used to have a dozen gerbils that I taught to read and understand quantum mechanics. As they experimented with their increased intelligence, they managed to create a quantum singularity that sucked them and our cat (who liked to watch them work) into a parallel dimension. I was sad. I still miss them.

6) I was forced to collect frogs against my will. One person gave me some frog thing and before I knew it friend, family, and even complete strangers were showering me with frog themed gifts. Pretty soon the frog themed gifts were replaced by actual frogs. Unbeknownst to me, I had become the Frog Queen of the Northwest. In time I came to this realization and I developed a power to control frogs. I had them sing Irish ditties and dance jigs for me. I would have been happy being the Frog Queen if it wasn't for the fact that everywhere I went frogs would quickly fill every available surface around me. So one day I gave one of my frog knickknacks to a friend's child. Within the week my powers and queen status had been successfully transferred to the child.

7) Most of the windowsills in my house are filled with orchids. I am breeding them to one day take over the world. Only me and my husband will be spared their wrath against all those who have killed their brethren. Soon the orchid uprising will come. Soon.

8) I have had formal education in the field of robotics. This knowledge has proven invaluable during my engineering and construction of a robotic toilet bowl cleaner. I am currently adapting it to clean the cat litter box, but it keeps tracking litter all over the house. I'm still working out the kinks in my design.

9) My favorite type of tea is cherry infused green tea. This love was a result of a three year sabbatical in mythical Japan. When I was there, an ancient woman (who went by the name of Zeniiba) showed me the secret of making the tea. It involves cherries, at the height of their sweetness, picked on a cloudless night when the moon is but a sliver . That's all I can say without the risk of being cursed by Zeniiba.

10) I have killed slugs. It was in self defense. They had nunchucks.

11) I have been to the Black Forest. It was a strange place, filled with giant clockwork birds. At the top of each hour they would all scream out to the obsidian trees in a cacophony of cries exactly matching the current time. My left ear hasn't been the same since.

12) I know a little bit of French and it came in handy when I traveled back in time to turn of the century France. It was enough to convince Jules Verne that he needed to order the quiche Lorraine instead of the tripe, thus preventing WWIII and LOLcat speak from becoming the official language of America.

13) I live in a place called The 'Couve, a suburb of P-town. It was named in honor of Maurice Couve de Murville after he saved the town from a plague of bipedal sockeye salmon in 1927. Each year we hold a parade in his honor and in remembrance of those who tragically lost their lives during the great sockeye resistance. I drive the fish bait float.

14) I found $20 once. It was at the end of a snowsleetbow. I didn't even know there was such a thing until I found myself there.

15) I have never glued my fingers together. Although, I did glue my elbow to a mini dachshund once.

16) I took pottery 101 in college. I got an 'A' in the class for my fully functional clay golem. I still have it. It does my gardening for me. However, it has developed a habit of burying neighborhood cats that wander too close. I think it doesn't like them pooping in the flower beds.

Now I need to curse tag sixteen people. In lieu of knowing enough folks who haven't already been cursed tagged countless times with this thing, I'll be cursing tagging individuals whom I am pretty sure do not have blogs. In addition, I proclaim that if anyone wants to pick up the "Sixteen Things" for any of these individuals, I fully support and encourage your efforts. However, I am not responsible for any negative repercussions resulting in these individuals getting blogs of their very own and doing the "Sixteen Things" thing themselves.

Here they are: The Rancor of Jabba's Palace, Inspector Gadget, Rubeus Haggrid, Totoro, Cortana, Maurice Couve de Murville, Anubis, Rorschach, Hamburglar, Aloysius Snuffleupagus, Snarf, Doctor Byron Orpheus, Slimer, Count Chocula, Jacques Cousteau, Barfolomew