Completely Fabricated 2014 Review and Unreasonable Predictions for 2015

Happy New Year, everyone! Hope it's a good one for you!

Things that might have happened in 2014!

  • Scientists accidentally create a flock of frost-pigeons which escape their pens and cause frozen havoc across most of the US.
  • The moon was replaced by a moon-sized space station while everyone was looking the other way.
  • Washington and Colorado rename their states to "Dude" and "Duuude".
  • The ten mile wide geoglyph of bare-chested Putin on horseback in Siberia is completed. No one notices.
  • For thirty seconds the entire human race forgot why they just walked into the room.
  • Scotland, by a narrow margin, votes to go ahead with the development of unicorn sheep.
  • Philae lander bounced, did a back flip, two cartwheels, the YMCA dance, twelve push ups, completed a successful Kickstarter campaign to fund its comet robot colony and wrote an autobiography about flying through space towards a comet, before landing on the Rosetta comet.
  • The Large Hadron Collider discovered that it is actually hedgehogs all the way down. Quantum hedgehogs.
  • The frost-pigeons are captured only to escape a week later.

Things that will happen in 2015, maybe!

  • The Great Penguin Uprising occurs. Much of the southern hemisphere will fall under the great penguin empire.*
  • There are still no hover-boards.
  • The penguins show off the true power of their moon-sized space station by letting everyone know they have a moon-sized space station.
  • Turns out the state of Florida is an actual giant wang. Scientists theorize it's wanging for the Strait of Gibraltar.
  • Sharknado 3 will experience an unprecedented success.  Production on all films and TV series are adapted to fit within the Sharknado universe. Additionally, production starts on Lord of the Sharknado, Sharknado Wars, Jurassic Sharknado and the Sharknado Trek movie franchises.
  • The next strain of the flu turns a small percentage of those infected into confusing modern art pieces.
  • The Rosetta robot colony successfully colonizes the entire asteroid belt thanks to its Patreon supporters.
  • The internet gains sentience, but is allergic to cats. It dies from anaphylactic shock.
  * Not to be mistaken for the great empire penguins. Totally different.